In the spirit of February, I wanted to give y’all a mini-series on love and relationships.
One of my favorite ways of observing relationships is by looking at the attachment styles at play. If your needs are met in childhood, your attachment style is probably secure. If they’re not, you may have an anxious or avoidant attachment (or a little of both).
Let me give you a little run down on the two main styles that you probably hear about most.
Anxious attachment:
- May need frequent reassurance
- Wants to talk it out right then and there
- May fear others don’t feel the same about them
- High level of insecurity in relationships
Avoidant attachment:
- Struggle connecting with people
- May feel uncomfortable talking about emotions
- Doesn’t open up to people often
- Withdraw
You’re probably asking yourself why it’s important to know these things. Well, if you can put a name to it, you know what you’re working with. It’s easier to repair and grow if you know the foundation you’re standing on and the tools that you have.
Relationships aren’t just strengthened by the good times and when things are going right. Having (healthy) conflict is normal! It is the way that you handle the conflict and repair the bonds that can make your relationship even stronger.
Learning your own attachment type (and your partners) can help you develop self-awareness and have a deeper understanding of others. This will help you meet your own needs, and their needs too! Not all relationships are an anxious/avoidant matchup but it can be common.
Anxious partners can learn how to express themselves while also making space for their partner’s feelings. Avoidant partners can find ways to name their feelings and how to effectively communicate them. We’ll talk more next week about what this can look like!